I am starting to learn that intimacy is becoming a lost art. I say that because many of us are unclear about what it even means to be intimate. Most of the time when we hear the word we begin to think about physical intimacy. But what happens in the bedroom can only happen when there is a level of emotional intimacy that supercedes the physical. What we do physically is only a reflection of what we feel in our hearts. And if we go by that definition then intimacy has the potential to take place not just in romatic relationships, but in every relationship.
Webster defines intimacy as a state of familiarity. This is so much more than simple understanding; but it is an ability to relate to another just as we relate to our own selves. When there is intimacy, there is little need for extensive explaination because the listener has a way of understanding even without words. I believe the heart of closeness is the place of understanding. Intimacy has a way of understanding the heart of the matter; not simply listening with the ears.
A few days ago I had an interesting conversation with someone who was talking about being intimate with his wife; he felt he was having intimacy because he came home from work and asked how his wife’s day had been and he listened to her vent about problems. “I sat there and listened for 15 minutes while she cooked dinner and took care of the kids”, he said. I explained that listening is merely a basic human courtesy, but intimacy is so much more. Intimacy is familiar with the heart of the one who is talking and hears beyond what is being said. Intimacy then offers the heart what we would want ourselves. That might be a hug, it might be a kind word, it could be encouragement, or even valuable insight. But it is a deeper level of understanding that makes the person feel known (familiar even) and loved. And it is that love/intimacy that makes both individuals better people.
If you have anyone in your life who offers you this kind of gift, you are blessed. Few people know how to get out of themselves long enough to be intimate with another person. But lets be clear, this level of intimacy requires work and sacrifice. It is something that takes time and intentionality. It is not something that a person does once a week or when they want something. Intimacy is not automatic, but developed over time. So often I run into people who have had people in their lives for years, but no intimacy. Think about all the husbands, wives, and friendships that you know where people feel unknown; like strangers; even though they are around these people daily. I wonder what would happen if we were to adopt intimacy as a way of life, rather than something to get from another. What if we were intentional about seeking out those places of familiarity with the people in our lives. Imagine the affirmation, the joy, the absolute relief of finding yourself in another. Some may be thinking that there are some people who you could never understand; but I guarantee you that if you listen and look long enough your will recognize yourself even when somebody else is telling the story.
One of my favorite books is “I asked for Intimacy” by Renita Weems. She writes numerous stories about women and their life long search for intimacy, for love, and understanding. One of her catch phrases within each chapter is “I asked for intimacy, but instead I got…” and she fills in the blank with something far less than what was asked for. I wonder if you are searching for intimacy; I know few people who don’t long to be known by another human soul. So today I invite you to practice this lost art. Practice listening, trusting, and loving. Make it a way of life. Wake up with a mind set on intimacy. Listen intently until you find that which is familiar. And when you find it; love it, embrace it; affirm it; and lift it up to the sky. Maybe then we will be able to say…”I asked for intimacy and found it when I offered it to others and myself”.
Posted by revmelissabrown 
